I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
