either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
