I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
