lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
