I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I love having hate sex.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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