Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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