Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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