I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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