Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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