she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
