Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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