Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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