i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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