We're like a lot better than the average bears
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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