2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
As shirtless as possible
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
