You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
