did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
