i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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