I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
