herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
