it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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