She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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