she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
