we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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