You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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