Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
