he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
