Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
