ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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