I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
