Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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