I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bring money and cleavage
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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