What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
