"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
