if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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