Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
