my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
