woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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