Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
