She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
