Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
