speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
