You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
