Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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