Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
