I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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