We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
