i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
