Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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