I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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