im drinking this country out of the recession.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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